Ghosts of Christmas
by Mettespo
Summary: A little Christmas-AU - Will is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Yet to come
1. The Ghost of Christmas Past

**The Ghost of Christmas Past**

Will looked at his watch and groaned in despair. Christmas Eve had only begun and it was still so early that he couldn't even make up an excuse for himself to just go to bed, fall asleep and hopefully not wake up before it was December 26th and Christmas over for yet another year.

He hated this holiday, almost always had.  
His father had made life in the McAvoy house a living hell and Christmas was no exception. It was even worse than on normal days because they were stuck in the house and supposed to enjoy spending the day with the whole family. Which they would have done, if it hadn't been for his father's drinking that didn't stop for the holidays.

Money had been short with his father not being able to keep a job, so presents mostly consisted of sweaters, socks or gloves knitted by their mother and apples and walnuts she had collected herself, maybe an orange or – if they were really lucky – a bar of chocolate. But even these little treats were ruined by their father's drunken rants about how spoiled they were and that when he had been a child he didn't get anything except maybe half a day off his chores if he had been really good.

It basically was a good Christmas for his sisters and him if they got through the day without a beating, especially because the forced holiday cheer seemed to make their father act even more irrationally than on other days.

That was until Will turned 13 and – tall and strong for his age – one day finally hit back, which apparently scared his father so much that from that day on he had refrained from beating him, his siblings and their mother; at least as long as his son was around.

Nevertheless Christmas and other holidays had never been a time for family peace again until their father had left them 3 years later and even then the memories always cast their shadows. So after he had left home to go to university he had never returned for this specific holiday.

Every year he dutifully sent presents to his nieces and nephews, picked out and shipped by his agent, but he wouldn't be caught dead in Nebraska at Christmas. He just wasn't able to face all those memories.

So now he just had to survive the next one and a half days and he decided to crash on the couch and put in a DVD to avoid the holiday kitsch they were showing on TV. Soon however he found himself drifting off to sleep and the movie sounds became a strangely fitting background for his dreams.

Suddenly he jumped awake and found the living room to be completely dark. The TV screen was black, and only the contours of the furniture could be seen in the faint light falling in through the large windows of his apartment.

Will stretched and with a quick glance at his watch he noticed that it was exactly midnight; Christmas Day was here. While reaching for the table lamp he wondered what had woken him up, and when he turned it on he nearly had a heart attack.

A middle-aged women in a strange, old-fashioned dress was sitting in the armchair next to his couch and looked straight at him.

„What... How... Who are you?" he gasped. „How did you get in here?"

He was looking around for some kind of weapon to defend himself with, but then he thought that he should normally be able to take a woman. And if she had a gun, a baseball bat wouldn't be of much use anyway.

The woman smiled mysteriously. „I am the Ghost of Christmas Past".

Will let out a shaky laugh. He was certain he was awake, but... he couldn't be. This had to be a dream. Apart from the fact that no one would be able to enter his apartment unnoticed – _There were no ghosts_ and especially none coming right out of a Dickens novel!

He pinched himself in the arm. „Ouch!" He _was_ awake!  
Then he had to be imagining her, but he knew he had hardly drunk anything before he fell asleep and she looked too real to be a hallucination.

Will carefully watched the women, who vaguely looked familiar to him, but he couldn't place her. „How did you get in here? Who put you up to this? I know you from somewhere, have we met?"

„We have never met before. I was sent today because you are at a turning point in your life and I am here to help you with your decision. When I'll have left you will have more visitors; the Ghost of Christmas Present and the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. But now come along, we don't have much time."

„Where... where are we going?" Will still couldn't believe he was talking to this person instead of calling the police, but something inside him made him do as he was told.

„You will see... Take my hand." She extended her arm and without even thinking about it he grabbed it. However, when she swiftly walked straight towards the wall he stopped. „I can't walk through a wall!"

„Trust me..." she just moved on.  
Will shrugged and gave in. After all, even if his pinching had hurt, this _had to be_ a dream, what other explanation was there? So he followed suit, just closing his eyes before he took the last step and expecting to hit his head. But... nothing.

With this one step all New York City background noises disappeared and when he slowly opened his eyes he was standing in a pure winter wonderland with meadows and trees under a thick layer of snow in crisp, wintery air. And in front of him he saw a typical Nebraska farm building – his family home!

Will gasped and looked at the woman beside him. „How did you do that?"  
Then he took a closer look at the Ghost and found that her appearance had changed. The hair, the smile, the eyes and even the smell that emanated from her now strongly reminded him of his mother.

„I didn't do anything, we just walked into your memories", she replied. „Come on."  
With this she walked towards the house, Will in tow.

The closer they got the clearer it became that this wasn't the farm house as it looked like today. The old barn, torn down by a tornado about 10 years ago, was right there in its usual place, there was no satellite dish on the roof and the wooden exterior looked like it had been freshly painted.

Once they arrived at the house they went onto the front porch and then just walked right through the closed door. Had it been the middle of the day on the outside, the moment they stepped inside everything went dark, the room barely lit through the light reflected by the snow.

The air was filled with the smell of fir needles, oranges and freshly baked cinnamon cookies, a combination that always reminded Will of christmas since he had been a little boy. He looked around and saw the familiar childhood holiday decorations; shiny red Christmas balls with golden bows placed in an array of fir branches, the wooden nativity scene with little baby Jesus his mother tended so carefully and placed out of the children's reach. And there in the corner was a big, beautiful christmas tree with glass ornaments, dried orange slices and straw stars as well as loads of presents underneath.

Will swallowed and just started to tell the ghost that he wanted to leave when he heard little feet shuffle and whispers on the stairs. A few seconds later he could make out the silhouettes of three little children, holding on to the banister and carefully taking step by step in the dark.

„We have to go, they mustn't see us here. They'll get scared to death!" he urgently whispered to the woman.

„Don't worry," she replied with her normal voice. „They can't see or hear us."

He didn't believe her and retreated towards the wall, but then the first child reached the landing and turned on the light. The ghostly woman stood in the middle of the room and none of the children reacted to her presence, so Will carefully stepped forward again. With a sideglance to his companion he turned his attention back to the children. And gasped.

The little boy was _him_ , about five years old with fair hair and wearing his favourite pyjamas covered with planes, trains and cars. Right behind him were his little sisters Mary and Victoria, four and three years old, if he had gotten his own age right  
He grabbed the woman's arm and whispered. „What is happening here?"

„This is one of the earliest Christmases you recall from your childhood. Just watch."  
Will turned his eyes back to the children.

„ _Vic, look! This one is for you!"_ Little Will excitedly pointed to a large box under the tree. _„No, don't touch it, we're not allowed to yet!"_

„ _So many presents!"_ Mary whispered and her eyes glistened. „ _Look, the cookies and the milk are gone! Do you think Santa brought me the doll I wished for?"_ She excitedly ran to the other side of the tree to see which of the presents were meant for her. _„Can we go and wake up Mommy and Daddy now?"_

„ _No, they told us not to wake them before the sun is up, we have to wait."_

Will's vision blurred for a moment and when he could see clearly again they were still in the farm house's living room, but the first daylight from outside hit the room. The children were sitting on the floor, covered with blankets, and admired the christmas tree. Then the little boy turned his head to the window and happily said to his sisters _„Its morning, I think we can go and wake them up now!"_

He jumped up and ran up the stairs, his sisters directly behind. Will heard them knocking at a door and bursting into the room, all three of them shouting _„Merry Christmas!"_ Then there was laughter and exaggerated grumbling, before the kids came running downstairs again, followed by their parents in their morning gowns they had hastily put on.

„Mom!" Will whispered and instinctively wanted to walk towards her to take her into his arms, but the ghost's hand held him back.  
„You are here to observe. Just watch."

He gulped down his tears. His mother had died a few years after he had left home and he still missed her. He would give anything to be able to hold her one more time; to have her stroke his hair and place a kiss on his forehead like she always used to do.  
She had died of a broken heart, broken by his father – another thing he blamed him for.

His father... Will turned his eyes to him and saw a young man so completely different from the memories he had: Good looking, vibrant, proudly smiling at his children and holding his wife's hand, helping her down the last steps.

„ _Come on, children. Let's sing a Christmas song and then you can open your presents. Looks like Santa was very generous this year, you really must have been good!"_ He winked at his wife who lovingly smiled back at him.

„ _Yay!"_ the three small children cheered and after they had decided on singing „Silent Night" the room was filled with their happy voices, joined by their proud parents.

Will looked at this cozy family scene and shook his head. „I don't remember Christmas ever being so beautiful and peaceful around this house. You're making this up."

„No, it's your own memory. You probably stored it way back, hidden under all the other Christmases in your life. Let's see..."

Will's vision grew hazy again. When it cleared up they were still standing in the living room, but the festive decorations were gone, except for the Christmas crib which had been put up in its traditional place.  
Now the room was cold and there was a small, scrubby Christmas tree in the corner, decorated with only a few fir cones and straw stars and three small packages lying underneath. This time no impatient children were waiting for their parents to get up.

It was like the holidays Will remembered and he knew what was about to come. „I want to leave. Now."

„You can't."

„You'll see if I can't." Will turned around and walked towards the door, but it wouldn't open. So he decided to leave the same way he had arrived and tried to just walk through the closed door, but the only result was a nasty bruise on his forehead when he walked right into it. „Ouch!"

„Come here and watch", the Ghost of Christmas Past only said unmoved.

Will sight and reluctantly walked back to her. Right that moment he heard a door being slammed upstairs. _„Will, Mary, Vic, get up and come downstairs!"_  
His father walked down the stairs and went straight to the kitchen, not paying any attention to the Christmas tree.

Upstairs Will heard quiet footsteps and then the three children, about 4 years older than in his previous memory, came down, holding hands and throwing anxious looks at their mother several times, who followed and encouraged them to go down all the way.  
There they faced the poor tree, their mother hugging all three of them from behind. _„Merry Christmas, my darlings."_ she whispered to them. _„Only a little present today, I am sorry."_

„ _But Mommy, weren't we good this year?"_ little Vic asked disappointedly. _„I even drew a picture of Santa and Mrs. Clause on my Christmas list..."_

Will saw that his little sister was about to cry and quickly said _„Santa had a little problem this year, Vic. Three of his reindeer got sick and so he couldn't put all the toys in his sleigh; it would have been too heavy for the other reindeer. That's why every child only gets one present this year; a light one."_  
Will had an inkling what they would find in the wrapped boxes.

Right this moment his father came back from the kitchen, an open beer bottle in his hand, and threw himself in his usual chair. _„What are you telling that girl lies for? You know there is no Santa Clause, William, so don't make up excuses because your parents can't afford better presents!"_ With this he took another sip from his bottle, while Victoria turned to her mother with big, teary eyes. _„Mommy...?"_

„ _Sshhh... It's alright, Honey. Just go get your present."_  
While his sisters started to unwrap the scarfs their mother had knitted at night when the children were in bed, their brother turned to his father, looking at him with hatred in his eyes and his hand clenched to a fist, but he didn't dare say anything.

His big self had also tensed. Will remembered this Christmas well; the day his father had crushed his little girl's dreams out of pure malice and self-hatred.  
But before he could take a step in his direction, completely forgetting that the man wasn't able to see or hear him, the picture in front of Will became indistinct and then clear once more.

His mother was sitting on the couch, covered with a blanket and looking thin and weary. Will came out of the kitchen, bringing her a cup of tea and some fruit. He was tall and handsome and had come home from university, though only after Christmas. He stuck to the promise he gave himself to never spend another one of these holidays under this roof, and luckily his mother understood.

„ _Thanks for coming home, Will. I'm so glad to see you."_ She coughed. _„I wanted to talk to you..."_ She paused, as she was easily exhausted these days.

„ _What is it, Mom? Do you need me to do something for you?"_

„ _I'm worried about you, Will... I know I couldn't give you the childhood I wanted for you and I'm sorry about that... But you made it through it; your father is never gonna hurt you again."_ She nipped at her tea and let the warm liquid run down her sore throat. _„Even if he tried, you wouldn't let him do it, and I'm so proud of you. And grateful for protecting your sisters and me."_ She smiled at him. _„My handsome son..."_

„ _I'm fine, Mom. You don't have to worry about me."_

She took his hand. _„But I do, Will... You have become hard, you hide yourself away in your studies and you don't seem to trust anybody... You are a young, intelligent, loyal and caring man – Don't let your life be ruined by your father. He's a poor, sick human being, but he can't hurt you anymore."_

„ _Mom..."_

She squeezed his fingers and looked him in the eyes. _„Promise me you will open up when you go back to university. Live your life like a normal man your age. Go out, enjoy company, find a girl... Don't let your father ruin your life!"_

Will looked down and covered her hand with his own. _„I will try, Mom... Just wait, one day I'll bring you the girl I'm gonna marry..."_ He grinned at her.

„ _I'll be waiting..."_ she whispered with a smile.

„Time to go..." his ghost said quietly and took his hand again.

Will only hesitantly followed her, turning his head to keep his eyes on his mother as long as possible.  
This had been the last school break he had spent with her. She had died from pneumonia two months later, but Will knew that it hadn't been inevitable. She could have recovered, but his father had broken her and she didn't have any fight left.  
So he never got to bring MacKenzie, the love of his life, home to meet his mother, but then again... He did not marry her in the end...

The Ghost of Christmas Past led him through the door, but instead of standing outside the farm house again this time he found himself in front of an apartment door in a hallway he recognized instantly.

„No, I can't go in there!"

The ghost looked at him. „Why are you afraid of the good in your life?"

Turning his head Will noticed that she had changed again. Her hair was darker, the face more delicate and she also smelled differently. Now she didn't remind him of his mother anymore but of MacKenzie, the only woman he had ever loved, and it became clear why the ghost had looked so familiar when he first saw her:  
She was a combination of the women in his life that had been close to him – his mother, his sisters and MacKenzie. Apparently the features of whoever he was going to see were becoming dominant in her face.

„Come on." With this he was left no other choice than to follow her through the door.

Immediately he recognized the little appartment he and Mac had lived in before he had broken up with her. It was warm and cozy, christmas decorations where put up everywhere and cheery Christmas songs filled the air.

It had been the second Christmas Mac and he had spent together and it was one of the most wonderful holiday memories he had. But their whole relationship had turned out to be a lie, so he had buried all of it deep inside and normally refused to let it surface.

MacKenzie loved Christmas and had always tried to get him in the spirit as well. He had put up with it, acting all grouchy but secretly enjoying her enthusiasm. And the mistletoe she had hung up all over the apartment naturally had helped as well.

„ _Will!"_ he heard her squeaking. _„Stop it, I'm exhausted...! Come on, I want you to open your present now!"_

Remembering this Christmas morning he couldn't help but smile. They had extensively made love right after waking up and before even thinking about getting out of bed, but finally hunger and Mac's excitement made them get up.

There they were. Mac, only wearing one of his t-shirts that reached down to her thighs – he vividly remembered that she hadn't been wearing anything underneath... - was pulling him behind her into the living room. They stopped in front of the Christmas tree, traditionally decorated in red and gold, and she turned to wrap her arms around his neck. _„Merry Christmas, Billy."_ she murmered before kissing him deeply.

Will groaned. It was torture watching them this happy and at the same time knowing how it would end. Still, it made him realize how much he missed being with MacKenzie and he wished he could just take Memory-Will's place right now.

In front of him Will's hands slid beneath Mac's shirt which caused her to laughingly end the kiss. _„Oh no, Mr. McAvoy. Be a good boy now and sit down on the couch."  
_ Will pouted but followed her orders while playfully protesting. When he had settled down Mac picked up a big box with a red bow on top and brought it to him, wriggling with excitement.. _„Open it."_

Will smiled again at the memory at what his alter ego was about to find in the box.

„ _Wow... Mac... That is... Wow... It's beautiful!"_ Will had lifted the lid of the box and found a wonderful acoustic guitar in there. _„Mac, that is too much!"_

„ _Nonsense! Do you like it?"_ Mac rambled nervously. _„It's a Seisel Custom Boutique Acoustic. It's supposed to be a real good guitar; I mean, I actually just liked the little sun in the soundhole when I saw it, but I did some research. If you don't like it we can always take it back and you chose ano..."_

„ _Mac, stop, it's perfect. I love it!"_ Will smiled at her and carefully placed the guitar back in the box. _„Come here."_  
He reached out for her and pulled her to his chest, taking her in his arms and showing her his appreciation with a longing kiss. She moaned and was starting to settle down in his lap when he stopped and gently pushed her to the side. _„Your turn!"_

He got up, picked up a small box from underneath the tree and gave it to her with a tender smile. _„Merry Christmas, MacKenzie."_

Mac carefully opened the wrapping paper. She had always treasured moments like these, trying to keep up the suspense as long as possible. This time she found a little jewellery box. _„Oooh",_ she squealed, giving him a wide grin.

Will sat down next to her again. _„Go ahead, open it."_

She slowly opened the case and gasped. In it was a beautiful silver necklace with a heart-shaped pendant that had delicate lines engraved on it, forming a couple of small hearts entangled with each other. _„It's gorgeous, Billy, thank you!"_

„ _It's a locket, take a look inside."_

Mac cautiously removed the necklace from the box and opened the medallion to find two pictures of her and Will inside. On the left Will was holding Mac in his arms, her back to his chest, and they both looked deliriously happy into the camera. The picture on the right showed them sharing a tender kiss, taken at home with a selftimer.

„ _Now look on the back."_ She turned the locket around and found another engraving, words this time: „Mac  & Will - Always"

„ _Oh, Billy..."_ She looked at him with teary eyes, cupping his cheek with her hand. _„Always."_

They kissed again and Will, knowing what was about to happen, couldn't take it anymore. How much he had loved her in that moment... And how crushed had he been only a few months later when she told him that she had cheated on him.

„Can we go... please?" he said to the woman standing next to him. She gazed at him and again he noticed the by now familiar blur in his vision.

It was later the same day and they were still in the appartment.  
Mac and Will were lying on the couch, Mac settled between his legs and leaning on his chest, while his hand was resting on her hip. They were watching „It's a wonderful life" and Mac giggled. _„This movie... Do you believe something like this might actually happen?"_

Will smiled. _„Who knows... It's Christmas, isn't that the time for wonders? Just look at us..."_

She looked up at him. _„We're no wonder, we're soulmates... We're destined to be together..."_

Lifting his hand he stroke some strands of hair behind her ear and just held her eyes for a moment. _„God, do I love you, MacKenzie..."_

Mac beamed at him. _„I love you, too, Billy, more than anything."_

The Ghost of Christmas Past took his hand. „Time to go home, William."  
They walked back through the door and came out in Will's apartment which looked exactly like they had left it – he quickly checked – two hours ago.

He turned to the woman, who now looked like when he had first seen her again. This time he could clearly make out MacKenzie's eyes and smile, his mother's hair and nose, Mary's ears and Vic's cheekbones.

„What was that all about?"

She smiled. „You needed to see that even though the memories of bad times are strong, sometimes too strong, there is always potential for good. Not everything in your past was bad, think about that... Now go to sleep. You're next visitor is about to come."

She directed him to the couch and Will, suddenly feeling utterly exhausted, just fell down and immediately went to sleep.


	2. The Ghost of Christmas Present

**The Ghost of Christmas Present**

When Will woke up he was still lying on the couch but didn't dare blink.  
„It was a dream, it was a dream. _It must have been a dream..._ " he told himself over and over.

When he finally did cast up his eyes he was facing the back of the sofa, the table lamp still sharing its light. His gaze fell on his watch and he sighed with relief – It was exactly midnight, Christmas Day was only beginning. So all this _had been_ a dream! Granted, a very vivid one, but still a dream.

Will turned on his back and rubbed his hands over his face to wake himself up, but suddenly he involuntarily flinched. He had touched a sore spot on his forehead, right where he had run into... He shook his head. _It couldn't be!_

Then he heard a slight cough and froze for a moment, before carefully turning his head.

Another woman was sitting in the chair the alleged Ghost of Christmas Past had occupied before and calmly looked at him. Will blinked and slowly sat up.  
„I assume you're not a burglar or a crazy fan?" he asked almost desperately as if he wished she was.

„No, William. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present." she replied with a very soothing voice. „I was sent today because you are at a turning point in your life and I am here to help you with your decision. When I'll have left you will have one more visitor; the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come."

Will sighed defeatedly. „What is this turning point you guys keep talking about?"

„It basically comes down to a choice you have to make: Do you want to continue being miserable with _all_ its consequences or to rather experience true happiness?"

„I'm not miserable!" Will protested. „I'm a successful news anchor and my audience loves me!" He shook his head. Why was he arguing with this... person?

„That might be. But what about the people who really know you and are close to you? Aren't they the ones that matter? What do they think about you?  
She gave him a moment to think about this before she continued. „Come with me."

She stood up and Will noticed for the first time, that, unlike the previous visitor, she was dressed as any woman nowadays, which in an odd way made sense, as she supposedly was responsible for the present. Then he pulled a face.  
Do ghosts have a sense of humour or why was she wearing a pencil skirt and silk blouse like MacKenzie so often did?

Reluctantly he got up and took her hand, this time not protesting when she walked towards the wall, but keeping his eyes closed. When the background noise changed he opened them again and found himself standing in an unfamiliar living room.  
It looked like a typical American middle class home with comfortable easy chairs gathered around a big TV screen and family pictures on the walls. He took a step to take a closer look but didn't recognize anybody.

„I don't recall ever having been here before and I don't know any of the people in these pictures" he said to the woman. „This can't be a memory of mine."

„I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present. There are no memories of the present. Just watch and listen."

That was actually reasonable, so Will turned his attention to the voices he heard coming from the next room.

„ _Hurry up with your dinner, it's almost eight. I want to watch Newsnight."_

„ _You and your Newsnight. You just wanna drool over this McAvoy-guy again..."_ a man's voice replied good-naturedly.

„ _So what? He's nice to look at. If I have to hear bad news why not enjoy the guy delivering them?"_

„ _You do know he's not a piece of meat, right?"_

„ _Oh, that's what I have you for, Honey..."_ Will heard the sound of a smacking kiss and shuddered. _„You're not jealous, are you? You know that guy is only on TV,_ you're _my man..."_

„Enough of this." the ghost murmered to his relief and grabbed his hand. After walking through the closed apartment door he found himself in yet another unfamiliar apartment.

This time three middle-aged women were sitting around the TV, watching what seemed to be a chick flick when a commercial came on. One of the women took the remote and started to click through the channels. When Will appeared on the screen, probably as part of the „Best off 2011"-shows broadcoasted during the holidays, one of them gestured towards him.

„ _Isn't that the guy who got cheated on by his girlfriend?"_ Will flinched.

„ _Yeah, I read it on page six. Didn't she sleep with her ex-boyfriend? Wonder what made her do it, this guy is cute."_

The third women chipped in. _„Well, who knows what these famous guys are up to. I mean, he's handsome and everything, but maybe he wanted some funny stuff in the bedroom. Or maybe he's just weird and that's why she went back to the old guy..."_

„ _He_ is _cute, but I also like this Elliot-guy who fills in for him sometimes. But that one's married, I think. Can I have another Margherita?"_

Will looked at the ghost. „Do I _really_ have to listen to this?"

„Enough already?" She answered his stare with a smirk. „ _You_ were the one talking about how much people like you... See how much you as a person mean to your audience? How much they really care about you?"

Will didn't respond to that, but inside he felt the first flicker of doubt if he should really give so much consideration to his audience to bolster his self-esteem as he had over the past years.

The woman knowingly watched him. „Take my hand."

Their next stop was the familiar Nebraska farm again. However, this time they arrived in the present with the old barn missing and a rather modern Chrysler minivan parked in front of the house. His sister Mary lived here with her family now, but he knew that on Christmas Day Vic would also be there with her husband and children.

When they entered the house the kids had just started to open their presents and the air was filled with laughter and appreciative squeals.

„ _Tommy, did you see that big box over there for you? That must be from Uncle Will."_ Mary directed her thirteen year old son. He quickly tore off the wrapping paper and gasped excitedly. _„Mom, it's a_ playstation _! That is so totally cool!"_

„ _Well, he's always been generous"_ , Mary mumbled so the kids wouldn't hear.

Tommy's sister Jenny, eight years old, turned to her mother. _„Why isn't Uncle Will here for Christmas, Mommy?"_

Mary sighed and glanced over at Vic. _„He just doesn't like being around here at this time a year, Honey. He has some not so fond memories of our childhood we have spent here and he doesn't want to be reminded of them."_

„ _But now_ we _live here. So why doesn't he just make new memories with us?"_ Jenny asked with the simple wisdom of a child.

Her mother smiled. _„I wish he would, Jenny, but it's not that easy. But we love him, so if he ever wants to come, he'll always be welcome, right?_

„ _Right"_ , the little girl fiercly nodded her head. _„I can draw him a picture of us around the Christmas tree and send it to him. Do you think he'd like that?"_

„ _I'm sure he would love it, Sweetie,"_ Vic said. _„Maybe we can all sign our name on it?"_

„ _Okay."_ Jenny got up to get paper and her pencils. Vic used the opportunity to look at her older sister. _„Do you think he will ever come here again?"_

Mary shrugged. _„I wish I knew, Vic... I just hope he'll realize one day that his family loves him and that that's the only thing that matters. We can't change the past, but we can chose not to let it ruin our future."_

Will had tears in his eyes. He had always been happy that his sisters had managed to build themselves a wonderful life with their own families. And seeing all their happy faces, the days he had spent here during his childhood suddenly didn't seem so dark anymore. Maybe it _was_ time to make new memories?

He noticed his ghost – he couldn't believe he was even thinking that – watching him with a smile on her face."Time to go, William."

Their next stop was also familiar to Will. Leaving the farmhouse they stepped into the entrance hall of Charlie Skinner's house in the Hamptons where Will had been a guest several times. His chaperon led him to the dining room, where Charlie, his wife Nancy and their daughter Sophie were feasting on their traditional Christmas dinner - roast turkey with mashed potatoes, gravy and vegetables.

Just as Will and the Ghost of Christmas Present entered the room, Nancy asked her husband _„So what are your staff doing today?"_

Charlie took a sip of his wine before answering. _„Milly and her husband went down to Florida to visit her parents, she's really been looking forward to it for months now. MacKenzie is with her family in London til New Year's, as is Elliot. Well, not in London, he stayed here, but with his family. And Will..."_ he sighed.

„ _What about Will? I haven't seen him in ages."_ Sophie asked while putting more vegetables on her plate.

„ _He didn't say anything about his plans, so I assume he's just sitting around at home, moping, watching football and diminishing his stack of hard liquor..."_

Nancy clicked her tongue and shook her head. _„Poor boy... I really like him, you know. I just wish he would wake up."_

„ _I know! That's exactly what I've been telling him for the past year and a half! She's right there in front of him! Right there! I don't understand why the fu..."_

„ _Charles!"_ His wife interrupted him. _„We've talked about that. It's Christmas, so please?"_

„ _I'm sorry, dear."_ Charlie answered contritely, ignoring his daughter's grin.  
 _„I just don't understand why he can't seem to get over what has happened and realize that all he needs to be happy is standing right there next to him... I asked him right after Mac came back, if, just in case he won't live forever, he shouldn't take a shot at being happy now..."_

„ _He's hurt..."_ Nancy compassionately stated.

„ _I know he is, but by not forgiving MacKenzie he is not only hurting her but also himself, so_ that's _not really working out for him..."_ Charlie raised his hands in frustration, his fork coming dangerously close to knocking over his glass.  
 _„It's really strange, you know, this back and forth this year... On Valentine's day he hugs Mac in front of the whole staff – and I'm talking HUG in capital letters, dear, a real, long and thorough hug - and everything seemed to go really well from there on. Then suddenly he hires her ex-boyfriend to write that fu... stupid article, and everything is right back where they started when she came back last year in April..."_

„ _Why would he do_ that _?"_ Sophie wondered.

„ _I don't have the slightest idea, Soph. You know I love him like my own son..."_ Will smiled at this, although the memory of him bringing Brian back into their life made him sick to his stomach at the same time. _„but sometimes I just don't understand that boy...  
All I know is that when he was in the hospital in August all of a sudden he shifted in the opposite direction _again _and they got along great after that. They still do, so why doesnt't he just take this last step... I mean, he just_ has to _know that he only needs to say one word and she would be his. That girl loves him like crazy, and_ he _loves her, too, for God's sake! He could be so happy, so why is he drowning his sorrows home alone?"_

Will held his breath. Where his feelings really that obvious to everybody, despite him barely acknowledging them himself?  
He looked at the woman next to him who steadfastly held his gaze.

„See the difference between people who like you on TV and people who love and care about you?" Will slowly nodded.  
„Well then, one thing you have learned tonight." she said. „Let's go."

He took her hand and wondered, where they would end up next. But when he opened his eyes, still not being used to walking straight into a wall, he somehow wasn't surprised to find himself in front of MacKenzie's parent's house in London, a beautiful Victorian jewel that had been in her family's possession since it had been built in 1864, as she had proudly told him.

Will had been here once before when he and Mac had spent a long weekend in Paris and flew back via London to stay with her parents for one night. He had been welcomed with open arms and, despite being incredibly nervous, he had immediately felt like a part of the family.  
After the breakup he hadn't had any contact with her parents anymore, which made him feel slightly uncomfortable now, so he quickly reassured himself that they wouldn't be able to see him.

When the ghost started to walk towards the door he took a deep breath and tried to brace himself.

Entering the living room he saw that almost the whole McHale family had gathered there.  
Mac's brother Michael and his wife Sheila were missing, but her mother Claire was chatting with their youngest daughter Josy, while the middle one, Liz, was leaning against her fiancé – probably husband by now – whose name he thought was Scott. Both were watching Edward McHale, Mac's father, play a game of backgammon against a young man Will didn't know, probably Josy's boyfriend.

Mac was sitting in a chair close to her mother but didn't take part in the conversation. Instead she seemed to be lost in thought, smiling and keeping her eyes on Liz and Scott. Only somebody knowing her well would be able to tell that she wasn't happy, Will thought to himself. Her eyes didn't shine with the sparkle that normally accompanied her smile, which was admittedly genuine right now but showed signs of sadness at the same time.

Claire McHale cast her eyes over to the group gathered around the table and chuckled. _„Josy, you should probably go and help Jonathan or he will lose the third game in a row... I don't think today is the day to find out if he is a good loser."_ She winked at her. _„Mac, would you be a dear and help me in the kitchen?"_

„ _Certainly, Mom."_ Mac got up, while her sister went over to the table, wrapped her arms around Jonathan's neck and whispered something in his ear that made him give her an affectionate smile.

Without even thinking about it Will followed Mac and her mother, barely noticing that his companion was only a step behind.

In the kitchen Mac started to slice tomatoes for the salad while her mother tended to the pots on the stove. Then she sighed.

„ _I hate to see you so sad and withdrawn... You still miss him, don't you?"_

Mac didn't hide her feelings anymore, now that she was alone with her mother. „ _Every day..."_

„ _Oh, Honey..."_ Claire came over and hugged her eldest daughter from behind. _„I know it can't be easy to see both your sisters being so happily in love..."_

„ _It's fine, Mom, I'm really glad for them. And Jonathan seems to be a nice guy."_

„ _He is, but that's not the point here... Let me be frank, Mac. You've been waiting for almost five years now for Will to come to his senses, and twenty months of this time you have spent very closely to him... Don't you think it's getting time for you to move on?_

Will's heart missed a beat and he anxiously waited for her reply.

Mac sighed. _„Sometimes I really wish I could, Mom... Believe me, I've tried... I went out with some nice guys, but nobody even comes close to Will. He's the only one for me, and if I can't have him then I don't think I want anybody..."_ She wiped away a tear with the back of her hand that threatened to fall down onto the food in front of her. _„But in the end it's my own fault for being so stupid."_

„ _MacKenzie Morgan McHale! Don't you dare take all the blame for this!"_ her mother scolded her. _„Yes, you've made a mistake, but you have done your penance over and over. You've left your apartment, you've left your job, you've even left the city to go to a war zone! And all because he's too stubborn to see what he has given up. You two were perfect together, everybody could see that!"_ She paused for a moment and Will thought he saw a flash of pain in her eyes. _„Does he even know that you've got stabbed?"_

Mac hesitated for a moment. _„He knows that there has been an incident in Pakistan, but I don't think he realizes how serious it was. And that's okay. I don't want him to only take me back because I almost died."_ Will gasped and looked at her in shock.  
 _„I want him to want me because he loves me. I think he still does, but if_ he _can't sort out his own feelings, how am_ I _supposed to...? He never said anything..."_

„ _Oh, Darling..."_ Her mother hugged her even tighter. _„I really don't understand that man. One mistake, right at the beginning of your relationship when you had just started seeing each other. Why can't he forgive you?"_

„ _It's complicated, Mom... I can't talk about it, I promised him."_

„ _Sometimes you're loyal to a fault, MacKenzie... „_ Claire sighed, stroke over her daughter's hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head. _„You really have to start thinking about what is best for_ you _. You can't wait for him forever."_

„ _But I will, Mom... Always..."_ Mac whispered in a suddenly tearful voice while she put down the knife and got up. _„Excuse me for a moment, please... I just have to..."_ She quickly walked out of the kitchen, while her mother just looked after her and sadly shook her head.

„ _Damn you, Will McAvoy..."_

Without advance notice Will's vision blurred and when he could see clearly again he found himself in MacKenzie's bedroom upstairs.

He was already an emotional mess inside – seeing Mac in so much pain, learning that she had almost _died_ – and now finding her crying into her pillows gave him the rest. All he wanted to do was to take her into his arms and hold her tight, but when he took the first step the ghost held him back.  
„You can't touch her..."

Will had tears in his eyes and was frustrated that all he could do was watch Mac hurting.

Her mother had been right; Mac had paid dearly for her mistake, and Claire surely didn't even know half of it. He was certain that Mac hadn't told her about the stunts he had pulled since she came back to ACN, punishing her relentlessly.  
Parading his dates in front of her, showing her a – fake - engagement ring, bringing Brian into her life. Getting her hopes up and crushing them again. Even punishing her for not reacting to his voicemail message although she did exactly what he had told her to do – at least that's what he had thought. How sick do you have to be to do that? Only to then find out that she hadn't even gotten the fucking message...

Suddenly he realized that Mac had calmed down a little and was now lying on her side, clasping something in her hand and hoarsely whispering _„Always, Billy, always. I'll always love you. I will never hurt you again... If you could just forgive me..."_

Oh, Mac... Except for the night he had broken up with her, he had never seen her this distraught and fragile, and he felt that he was massively invading her privacy. On the other hand though he was glad to be here, as much as it hurt, but at work she almost always kept her composure and never let him see the depth of her true feelings.

Forgiveness. Will wasn't even sure if he hadn't already forgiven her, and he really wanted to be with her, but he was just too afraid to get hurt again.

Then he noticed that she had opened her hand and couldn't believe his eyes. She was holding the locket he had given her for Christmas and traced the little hearts with her fingertip. Now the tears ran down his cheeks as well, and just when he wanted to get closer to her he felt a hand on his arm.

„It's time to go home, William."

„No, not yet." He didn't want to leave Mac like this, but the ghost left him no choice.

„Come on."

Back in his living room he turned to the ghost. „I don't want Mac to suffer this much, not anymore. She has been hurting enough... no, too much already. What can I do?"

The Ghost of Christmas Present held his gaze with a strange look in her eyes.  
„This is not about MacKenzie, this is about you. You have to do what is right for you. You have to find your own way. If that leads to her, then so be it, but it's not inevitable... Think about what you have seen tonight. Now go to sleep. Your next visitor is about to come."

Again Will was suddenly completely spent, so he stumbled to the couch and immediately fell asleep.


	3. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

**The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come**

Will's dreams were a complete disorderly mess. Everything he had seen and heard throughout the night was whirling around in his head.

 _You are at a turning point in your life.. Your father is never gonna hurt you again... Always... You have to do what is right for you... We're destined to be together... Not everything in your past was bad... That guy is only on TV... Why doesn't he just make new memories with us?... I just wish he would wake up... He's the only one for me... Don't let your life be ruined by your father... There is always potential for good... I love you, Billy, more than anything... You have become hard, you hide yourself away in your studies and you don't seem to trust anybody... She's right there in front of him!… See how much you as a person mean to your audience? How much they really care about you?... By not forgiving MacKenzie he is not only hurting her but also himself... Always, Billy, always. I'll always love you... You have done your penance over and over... That girl loves him like crazy... I almost died... Why are you afraid of the good in your life?... You can't wait for him forever... I will never hurt you again... We love him... All he needs to be happy is standing right there next to him... Always, Billy, always. I'll always love you... Do you want to continue being miserable with all its consequences or to rather experience true happiness?... We're soulmates... We can't change the past, but we can chose not to let it ruin our future... If you could just forgive me... You two were perfect together... He could be so happy... You still miss him, don't you?... I don't want Mac to suffer this much, not anymore... Why can't he forgive you?... God, do I love you, MacKenzie... Always, Billy, always. I'll always love you. I will never hurt you again... Always... Always... Always..._

With this last thought, repeating itself over and over, he woke up. He was breathing heavily and his heart was pounding in his chest. His first thoughts went to MacKenzie again and how devastated he had seen her at her parent's house. His heart ached at this memory and all he wanted was to erase the pain he had caused her.

After a moment he looked at his watch and sure enough it was midnight again. He slowly turned onto his side and was faced by yet another woman. Tall, dark and with eyes full of wisdom she looked directly at him.

Will slowly sat up. He was overwhelmed by everything he had seen and heard so far and dreaded what he was about to experience with this last ghost.

„You are the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, I assume?" he nervously asked.

„I am. I was sent today because you are at a turning point in your life and I am here to help you with your decision. When I'll have left you will have to make that decision based on everything you have learned tonight." She paused for a moment.  
„Are you ready to see what the future will look like if you don't change your ways? "

„I don't think I have much of a choice, do I?" Will mumbled.

The ghost just smiled mysteriously and got up. „Not very many people get the chance to take a look into their own future, I recommend you pay close attention."

She reached out for him and with a sigh Will got up, grabbed her hand and followed her towards the wall, again closing his eyes. After several steps the background noise hadn't considerably changed, so he continued walking, but the ghost's hand held him back.  
„Open your eyes, Willam."

He obeyed and found he was still standing in is own living room, but looking at himself sitting on the couch and drinking Scotch right out of the bottle. Then he heard his double rant out loud.  
 _„Sure you had to invite me, Mac... You knew exactly that I wouldn't come, but invite me you did, so that now I can picture all of you having a merry time."_ He mockingly raised the bottle as if he wanted to drink a toast to an invisible her. _„Screw you, MacKenzie McHale!"_ He almost spat it out.

Will was shocked. „What am I doing? Mac seemed to have tried to do something nice for me and that is how I react to it? That's not me anymore, we're friends now!"

„It looks like that is not the case a year from now. This is Christmas Eve 2012, so something will be changing over the course of the upcoming year, if you can't picture yourself doing something like this now... Let's see what will cause all this."

With this they left Will's apartment and once through the wall he found himself at Mac's place. It looked like she was throwing a Christmas party for the Newsroom team and Will could see Charlie telling an animated tale to Jim, Gary and Tess, while Don, Kendra, Tamara and Jenna were sitting on the couch, for some reason debating about the lyrics to a Christmas song.  
From the corner of his eye he saw Mac and Sloan standing in the kitchen and quickly set out to join them. He arrived just in time to hear the latter ask Mac how she was doing.

„ _I'm fine, Sloan, just a little tired."_

„ _Mac..."_ Sloan obviously didn't believe her. _„It's Will again, isn't it? Why isn't he here?"_

A flash of pain appeared on Mac's face before she got herself under control. _„I invited him, but he didn't want to come."_

„ _Why?"_

Mac sighed sadly. _„Apparently I still cannot stop hurting Will... He thinks I have a boyfriend..."_

Sloan's eyes went big. _„Well...? Do you_ have _a boyfriend?"_

„ _No, of course not!"_ Mac snorted angrily. _„Not that I know why it would bother him though; he's made it abundantly clear that we're just friends..."_

„ _Okay... But why does he believe you do then?"_

Mac put a couple plates into the dishwasher before she turned around and tiredly leaned against the counter.  
 _„A couple weeks ago Brad, one of the marines we were embedded with, came to New York and we went out to dinner. It was great catching up, but he was also pretty down that night... He told me that one of his platoon members had shot himself a few days earlier. He'd suffered from PTSD and just couldn't get over what he had seen during the war..."_  
She swallowed hard to not let her emotions get the better of her. _„Well, as luck has it, just when I had put my hand on Brad's to try to console him a little, Will walked into the restaurant, saw us and walked straight out again... You should have seen his face..."_

„ _But that's a simple misunderstanding. That should be easy to rectify?"_ Sloan seemed confused.

„ _You would think so, but remember, we're talking about Will here..."_ Mac sighed again.  
 _„He just hasn't given me any chance to explain it. He doesn't listen when I try to tell him who Brad is or why I was holding his hand... He never stays in a room with me alone, he doesn't answer my calls at night and clearly doesn't read my texts... Once I even tried to tell him from the control room, but as soon as I started he ripped out his earpiece..."_ Mac's voice almost broke. _„I guess that shows that he is never going to trust me again..."_

„ _Oh Kenzie... And the two of you seemed to do so well these last months..."_ Sloan took a step towards her and pulled Mac into a hug, patting her back kind of awkwardly. _„You know, I love Will like a brother, but he definitely is the biggest idiot walking around on this planet..."_

Will hated the hurt look he had put on MacKenzie's face once more, but then a thought occured to him and he turned to the woman standing next to him.  
„This hasn't happened yet, right? It's in the future."

„You are right." she confirmed. "But it _will_ happen, if you choose the wrong path. Let's go."

Taking his hand she opted for the next wall and instead of the background chatter of the team in Mac's apartment he suddenly heard the intro music for Newsnight and quickly opened his eyes.

He found himself in the control room for his show. Herb, Joey, Don and Kendra were there, but Mac wasn't to be seen. Instead Jim had taken her place.

On one of the screens it said it was December 23, 2013 when Elliott, dressed in a black suit and tie, appeared with a mournful look on his face, a picture of a smiling Will being shown next to him.

„ _I'm Elliot Hirsch, interim host of Newsnight. Good evening."_

'What the fuck...', Will thought, while Elliot continued.

„ _ACN is sad to announce the tragic loss of William Duncan McAvoy, well loved and trusted anchor of „Newsnight" for the past eleven years and good friend to many here at ACN.  
Will McAvoy has been found dead in his apartment this afternoon. The circumstances of his death are so far unknown. He has never been married, but he is leaving two sisters, his brothers-in-law as well as several nieces and nephews behind. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of them. Will, you will be greatly missed... On to the news..."_

Will had gone white as a sheet and struggled to hold himself up.  
In two years he would be dead? What would happen? Would he get sick? A break-in and he would get killed in its course?  
He turned to the ghost.

„What happened? What did I die of?"

„Let's find out."

They took the few steps towards the control room door and ended up in Will's apartment again.

Future-Will was sitting on his couch in what seemed to be the early morning hours. An almost empty bottle of Scotch within his reach on the table, he was looking at a framed photograph of Mac in his hand, his finger gently tracing her face.

„ _I'm sorry, MacKenzie..."_  
With these words he set the picture on the edge of the table, pulled an orange container with prescription pills out of his pocket, opened it and emptied it into his hand. With one move he threw what looked like about 25 pills into his mouth and swallowed them down with the rest of the Scotch. Then he neatly closed the container, put it next to the picture and stretched out on the couch, keeping his eyes on MacKenzie.

Will was horrified. He was going to kill himself? He was really doing this?

Sure, he _had_ thought about it before, especially in those dark days after his breakup with Mac and when she had been in the Middle East, but it had always been more like a little mind game... 'What if...?' He had never _really_ intended to go through with it.

 _'Once you got close...'_ his own thoughts reminded him, but he just wiped them away. _That_ had been an accident.  
But why would he do it now?

He turned to the ghost. „We have to do something! We have to call an ambulance!"  
The ghost just looked at him and then it occured to him. „Oh, right... it hasn't happened yet... But I can't watch this, please let us leave."

Without a word she took his hand. Opening his eyes again this time he found himself in the newsroom.

Christmas decorations were up everywhere, Jenna was just bringing in plates with cookies and quiet Christmas music was playing in the background. The office Christmas party, a short affair which always took place in the afternoon of December 23rd, the day of the last broadcast before the holiday break, was apparently about to start.

Suddenly Charlie slowly walked in with a distraught and grave look on this face. He motioned Jim to follow him and continued to Mac's office.

Will knew what was about to happen and couldn't move, but the ghost pulled him along to follow them. They reached the office door just in time to see Mac looking up at Charlie with a smile. However she immediately recognized the state he was in and her face took on a worried look.  
 _„What happened, Charlie? Are you alright?"_ Then her eyes grew wide. _„Did anything happen to Will? Is that why he isn't here yet?"_ Her voice got more and more anxious with every word.

„ _Mac..."_ Charlie started, but didn't know how to go on. He looked at Jim before turning his head back to Mac, who still stared at him, her fingers holding on to the edge of her desk so tight that her knuckles had turned white.  
 _„Mac... I just got off the phone with Will's sister Mary. She received a call from the NYPD about an hour ago... They found Will in his apartment... He's... dead..."_

Mac gaped at him without moving for another moment, then her expression changed from angst to disbelief and horror. A high-pitched sound, close to a whimper, escaped her lips; a sound Will had never heard before in his life and truly never wanted to hear again, and then she broke down.  
She started to violently tremble and screamed _„No, no, NO, that can't be, that must be a mistake. He can't be..."_

Charlie was next to her in a second and pulled her out of the chair into his arms. _„I'm so sorry, Mac, I'm so sorry. There's been no mistake... I'm so sorry..."  
_ He caught Jim's eyes and made a drinking gesture, nodding his head towards Will's office. Jim, under shock himself, immediately left the room, only to return with one of the bottles from Will's stock and filled a generous amount into a glass.

Will helplessly watched them trying to get Mac to take a sip of the drink, but she just clung to Charlie and inconsolably cried into his chest. Then, after a few minutes, she seemed to shut down. Her tears stopped and she froze in Charlie's arms, neither moving nor reacting to anything he and Jim said.

Finally Charlie moved her from his chest and led her to the couch in the corner, where she lay completely still with an ashen face.

For a moment Will wondered where that couch was coming from; he didn't recall Mac having one in her office, but then he remembered again – it was the future... and totally irrelevant on top of it.

Charlie gently put Mac flat down on her back, her feet on the arm rest for better circulation, and motioned Jim to bring a blanket he saw on a nearby chair. Once she was covered he quietly turned to the young man.

„ _Jim, I need you to get Elliot and Don. Elliot will do Newsnight tonight, you will run the show. We need to make a statement at the beginning. But first get Sloan in here. She'll be off the air tonight, I'll have her take Mac home. Don't say anything to the others yet, I will do that once Sloan is here."_

Will used the moment Charlie instructed Jim to take a step towards the sofa.  
„Mac.. MacKenzie, I'm so sorry... I'm here. I'm not dead."  
Naturally Mac couldn't hear him and then the ghost touched his arm. „Time to go."

With a last desperate look at Mac Will followed her, and this time they came out in front of St. Patrick's Cathedral. A long line of cars was parked out in front, and everywhere were secret service men as well as policemen who kept the masses and press behind the barriers.

When they entered the church Will saw hundreds of people who had gathered at what was obviously his own funeral service. He was overwhelmed that so many people would come to say their goodbyes and unbelievingly shook his head.

Hesitating for only a moment he walked up the aisle, looking at familiar and also unfamiliar faces.  
He saw many fellow reporters like Wolf Blitzer and Diane Sawyer, long forgotten friends from college and his time in Washington, members of the Republican party and even Vice President Joe Biden.  
Nearer to the front he found the people meaningful to him today – his family, Charlie, Nancy and Sophie, Elliot and his wife, Don, Sloan, Maggie, Jim, Kendra, Tess and all the others from the Newsroom, most of them showing signs of tears on their faces. Leona and Reese Lansing were attending the service, his agent Scott...  
He tensed and double-checked. No, Mac wasn't there.

„Where is Mac?" he whispered to the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

„She is not here, but look up front."

His eyes followed the direction of her nod and for the first time he consciously noticed the coffin. He swallowed hard and quickly let his gaze roam over the beautiful flower arrangements and wreaths that were laid out around it. They were from his family, ACN, the staff, the Lansings... and then he saw it:

A heart formed of sunflowers, his favourites since his days as a child in Nebraska, with a ribbon displaying only one word: _Always._

His already well cracked heart broke completely at this moment and he didn't even want to imagine what his future actions would do to Mac. He turned around on his heels to face the ghost.

„I need to see MacKenzie! Now!"

„Then come with me."  
Just when the organ started playing they left the cathedral through the side wall and stepped into Mac's apartment.

The curtains were drawn shut, so that it was almost dark inside although it was the middle of the day. Will looked around and saw Mac sitting on the couch, her feet on the table in front of her, and stepped closer. She was wearing sweatpants and a sweater of his that he thought had gone missing in the laundry years ago.

Standing in front of her he looked at her face and was shocked.  
Mac was even paler than normal, her hair was greasy, the eyes had sunken in and lost all their shine. Deep shadows had formed around them and she seemed to have lost at least ten pounds over the last few days.  
She was holding a picture of him in her hands, a half empty kleenex box right next to her with used tissues scattered everywhere, and was whispering with a tearful voice.

„ _I can't believe you did this... I was right here, Billy, right here. I was waiting for you this whole time... Why couldn't you just allow yourself to be happy? You didn't have to look at my picture, you could have had me for real... You just needed to say one word..."_ A sob escaped her lips and she quickly raised her hand to her mouth. _„How am I supposed to go on without you? Did you really think your letter was gonna help?"_

Letter? Did he write her a letter before he took the pills?  
Will let his eyes wander around and saw a handwritten piece of paper on the table. He bent down and read:

 _My Darling MacKenzie,_

 _Words cannot describe how sorry I am for what I am about to do to you.  
I know you love me and I only wish that I could be with you, but as last year has shown I just cannot forget the past. I want to trust you, I really do, but I don't see how I can get over this anger, hurt and loneliness inside me... My father really fucked me up for life and I just can't find my own way. I don't know how to forgive and forget; I guess my mother was right all these years ago: I have become hard and don't trust anybody... I _want _to trust you, but I just don't know how. I'm too scared to get hurt again.  
It's all my fault, I am messed up. Please don't blame yourself for any of this. Yes, you made a mistake, but every normal person would get over it while time moved on. I just can't.  
I'm sorry for all the things I did to you over these past years, I honestly don't know how you could take all of it and still be there at my side.  
I want you to be happy, MacKenzie. Find a man who loves you like you deserve, raise a family and enjoy your grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  
I love you – now I can finally say it. I have never loved anybody more in my life, it's just not meant to be.  
Thank you for everything and please forgive me.  
Always yours,  
Billy_

Will shook his head. A few hours ago he would have understood every word his future self had written, but now he could only think of it as a coward's way out.

He raised his head to face Mac and spoke to her urgently.  
„This isn't going to happen, Mac, I promise. You will never sit here and go through this!"

Then he turned around. „I know what I have to do. Now please show me my other future."

The ghost gave him a mild smile. „What other future?"

„Well, aren't you supposed to also show me what a wonderful life I could be having if I ever got my head out of my ass?

She patiently shook her head.  
„You haven't so far. You haven't done anything yet to alter this future that is laid out for you. But it hasn't been carved in stone either. The future is still an open book, and the story can be shaped by you...  
If you'll learn to not let the past affect your future, you can be happy. Maybe with MacKenzie, maybe without her. But it's not a given and there are no garantuees. You will have to want it and you will have to work for it... It's time to go home."

They left Mac's apartment and arrived back at Will's place.

„You have experienced something tonight not many men ever will. Make good use of what you have seen and heard."

„I will." Will nodded. „Thank you and the other ghosts for giving me this chance. I will not disappoint you."

„Good luck, William."

Again suddenly overwhelmed with fatigue Will sat down on the couch and as soon as his head hit the back he was asleep.

When he woke up again he immediately remembered everything that had happened. He didn't know whether it had been a long, crazy dream or if it really had happened. The bruise on his forehead said one thing, but he didn't care. He knew what he had to do.

He got up to get his laptop and booked himself on the earliest possible flight to London.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Will arrived in London in time for Midnight Mass.

He knew the McHale family attended this service every Christmas and he had planned to follow them to the church from their home and have Mac see him there, but when the group stepped out of the house he noticed that Mac was not with them. Apparently she had decided not to join her family this year, so he altered his plan and just knocked at her door.

Taking a deep breath he waited for her to open.

„Well, that was quick. Did you forget some..." She suddenly stopped and unbelievingly looked at him with big eyes. „Will? What are you doing here?"

„I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas," he answered with a wide smile. „May I come in?"

Mac startled, but took a step back. „Sure."  
She took his coat to hang it up before leading him into the living room. „You could have called, you know. You didn't have to jump on a plane to wish me a Happy Holiday... Take a seat." She pointed to the couch, which he ignored, and nervously went on. „Would you like a drink or something to eat?"

„I'm fine, thanks." As nervous as she apparently was, as calm was he. Even before the third ghost had disappeared he knew what he had to do, what he _wanted_ to do, and all the thinking he did on the flight only strengthened his resolve.  
„I also came here to apologize, Mac..." He paused, but when she didn't say anything he went on.

„Since you came back to ACN I have done so many things to hurt you, and I am truly sorry... Right in the beginning I did it because I still felt the need to punish you for cheating on me, but over the months that feeling became less and less. I liked being around you again and I enjoyed your company. But... everytime we got closer I became scared and just had to do something to keep my distance. It was like a reflex, I didn't even really think about it."

„Oh, Billy..." Mac whispered. „Why didn't you just talk to me?"

„ I just couldn't... I was too afraid to get hurt again if I let you in, as much as I wanted to... Only once... The night of the Bin Laden broadcast, when I was high... That was the only time I could talk about my feelings. I just couldn't repeat it afterwards when I was sober again... And when you didn't react to it, I thought you didn't care... I'm sorry, Mac."

„So what has changed?" she asked softly, taking a step towards him.

Will reached out for her hands and looked down at them, gently rubbing his thumbs over her soft skin. Then he had his eyes meet hers again.  
„I decided that I don't want the past to determine the course of my life anymore. I realized I have to take risks to have the life I want. There will always be a risk to get hurt, one way or the other, but it hurts more to be alone."

„And what _do_ you want?" Mac asked, her eyes not leaving his face.

He smiled. „You. I just want you."  
Tears started filling up her eyes and he let go of her hands, cupped her face and gently wiped them away with his thumbs.

„I love you, MacKenzie. I have always loved you, I never stopped." She gasped. „I know there are no garantuees in life, but I trust you... We have gone through so much, but here we are. You're my closest friend and if _we_ can't make it, nobody can."

With these words Mac flung her arms around Will's neck and started sobbing into his shoulder. He just held her tight, rubbing soothing circles on her back and whispering sweet words into her ear. Finally she sniffed one last time and then pulled back a little to look at him.  
„I love you, too, Billy. I always will. There will never be anybody but you, and I promise that I'll _never_ betray you again."

Will tightened his grip around her waist before he moved in to gently touch her lips with his. Both of them savoured the feeling of their first kiss in almost five years and neither of them wanted to stop, but when the need for air became overwhelming he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers.  
„I love you more than anything, MacKenzie."

Mac shortly put her hand on his cheek before letting it slide down to take his hand and leading him to the couch next to the cozy fireplace. Sitting down she pulled him with her and curled up next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

„I would never have thought this day could end like this..." she whispered dreamily.

Will put his arm around her shoulder to hold her tighter and placed a kiss in her hair. „I am just glad you decided not to go to church tonight. How come, anyway? You always go."

She sighed. „I had a pretty bad day today... Watching Liz and Scott being so happy, and Josy and her new boyfriend..."

„Tell me," Will interrupted her. „Josy's boyfriend... His name is Jonathan?"

„Yeah, how do you know?" Mac raised her head to look at him. „Have you met him?"

„No, I haven't..." he answered thoughtfully. „It's a very long story, maybe one day I'm gonna tell you. But right now I'd like to kiss you some more, if you don't mind?"

„Never!" Mac sighed, so Will let his hand wander down her thighs to uncurl her legs and put them over his lap. Then he moved it up again to bury his fingers in her hair before covering her lips.

The kiss started out slowly, a tender re-familiarization with their lips slightly moving against each other, but after a while Will started to nibble on her lower lip before moving his tongue further inside where he was welcomed with a deep moan. Their tongues started playing with each other while Mac slid her hands around his neck to bury them deep in his hair.  
There was no rush, no urgency, but nevertheless the kiss was a promise of what was about to come eventually. For now they were just happy to be in each others arms, enjoying the sensation of being this close again, and Will thought he could spend the whole night just kissing MacKenzie.

He was just about to let his hand slide down to her thighs to pull her into his lap when they were both startled by a slight cough coming from the other side of the room. They hastily pulled apart and saw Mac's parents standing in the doorway with huge smiles on their faces.  
„Did you keep a secret from us, MacKenzie?"

Mac chuckled with a happy grin and shook her head. „I guess I got another Christmas present..."


	4. It happened?

**It happened?**

 _(Long) Epilogue_

„Will?"

„Hm?" Mac and Will had gone up to their room for a midday nap, and although her parents had knowingly smirked when they wished them a good rest, they were simply holding each other; Will spooning Mac from behind with his arm over her waist and his face in her hair.

They both had decided to take the first days slow, not only because they were hardly ever completely alone in the house, but also because they felt they should take at least a little time to get used to being together again.

„I want to go home to New York."

Will lifted his head. „Are you sure? You love to spend time with your parents, especially on Christmas."

„I do, but I think we need a little time to ourselves before we have to go back to work in January." Mac turned around to face him and placed a hand on his chest. „And besides, technically Christmas is over."

„You don't have to convince me, Mac. I love your parents, but I sure wouldn't mind a little alone time with you..." He winked and stole a quick kiss. „If that's what you want, let's tell your parents."

Claire and Edward were naturally disappointed to have them both with them for only such a short time, but they completely understood their wish to be alone. So the next day they left London, not without promising to come back for Easter in a few months.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

As Mac had expected to stay with her parents for a few more days she still had enough unworn clothes with her and agreed to go straight to Will's apartment after their arrival in New York.

As soon as they stepped out of the private elevator Will carelessly dropped the bags he was carrying and pulled Mac into his arms for a fervent kiss. She immediately melted into him and let her hands slide around his back.

„Welcome home." he took the time to whisper before diving in for another kiss and starting to unbutton her coat.

Mac smiled against his lips, knowing that he wasn't just talking about coming back to New York. „It's so good to be back, Billy."  
Then she moved her hands up to cup his face. „But as much as I'm enjoying this, I _really_ have to freshen up a little and get out of these clothes."

At this Will's eyes lit up, but Mac only laughed. „Not right now, Billy... Proposition me again later..."  
With a seductive smile she stepped out of his arms and lifted her bag to go to the bathroom. Will pouted a little, but then he took his coat off and moved to the living room.

A short while later Mac came back.

„Well, you really haven't been getting into the Christmas spirit, have you? No decorations at all?"

„Hm?" he responded absently-minded.  
When Mac went over to the couch she saw that he had been sorting the mail that had been brought up to the apartment over the last days and was looking at a letter in his hand.

„Who's that from?"

„It's from home..." He still sounded as if he wasn't really listening to her, but then he looked up and Mac noticed a strange look on his face.  
„What is it, Billy?"

„I... I know what's in here, Mac."

She sat down next to him and pulled her legs up so that she could comfortably lean against his shoulder. „It's probably a christmas card, just a few days late."

Will shook his head and looked at the letter again. „No, it's not... I thought I had dreamt it, but the bruise and Jonathan and now this letter..."

„What are you talking about?" Mac was completely confused.

He sighed. „Do you remember, back in London, how surprised you were that I knew Jonathan's name?

„Yeah. How _did_ you know it? We have never talked about him."

Will didn't answer her question but only repeated, more urgently this time. „I _know_ what's in here, Mac..." He put the letter down on the table, took Mac's hand and looked directly into her eyes.  
"If I'm right... I have to believe it really happened..."

„Well, what do you or don't you believe has happened?

He opened his mouth but didn't know what to say, so he just closed it again and sank back into the cushions. „I... It's just..." His hand rubbing his forehead he sighed. „God, you're gonna think I'm crazy..."

„I won't." Mac assured him. „Remember what we discussed the first night in London? That we were gonna talk from now on. No more secrets..."

Will hesitated, but then he gave in. „Okay... But if you don't believe me we'll go straight back to that I am certain that I have dreamt all of it, okay?"

Mac tried to hide a smile and nodded, taking his hand at the same time. „Tell me."

He took deep breath and this time he managed to speak, choosing his words carefully.  
„My change of heart? Me realizing that I was screwing up both of our lifes and needed to wake up...? I had a lot of help in getting to that point..."

Mac looked at him attentively but didn't interrupt, so he went on with a sheepish half-smile and a shrug of his shoulders. „Well, you know your Dickens... I... On early Christmas Day I was visited... by... the three Ghosts of Christmas..."  
Mac didn't say anything, but her eyes went big, which wasn't unnoticed by Will.

„Believe me, _everything_ in me screams that it must have been a dream. What else could it be? But then there are these... things..." Seeing that Mac wasn't about to crack up laughing he continued. „The bruise on my forehead?"

Mac nodded. „You said you walked into a door."

„I actually did, but it was while the Ghost of Christmas Past showed me memories of my childhood and I tried to get away..." Will saw the confused look in Mac's eyes and tried to explain.  
„You know, when one of the ghosts was holding my hand we could walk through... Never mind. I walked into a closed door at our farm in Nebraska when I was in one of my childhood memories, let's just leave it at that... Then, when the first ghost was done with me, I woke up on this couch here and just dismissed everything as a dream. Until I felt the bruise on my head...  
I definitely didn't have it before I went to sleep and I couldn't have gotten it sleeping on the couch, right?"

Mac remained silent but reassuringly squeezed his hand. „Go on."

Will sighed. „Then the Ghost of Christmas Present came and took me to different places of this year's Christmas, my family's, Charlie's... And that's where Jonathan comes into the game..." Will hesitated again. „Mac... I was _there_... I was there at your house on Christmas Day, during the day, before I knocked on your door that night."

Mac unbelievingly raised her eyebrows and Will put his free hand on top of hers.

„Just listen and tell me I'm wrong: You were sitting in the living room with the others. Your mother was talking to Josy and your father played Backgammon against Jonathan. Liz and Scott were watching them. Then your mother sent Josy over to help Jonathan; she didn't want to find out on Christmas if he was a good loser... That's how I knew his name, she mentioned it... And then Claire asked you to help her in the kitchen."  
Mac's face had drained of all its colour during his words and Will looked at her desperately.

„I really was _there_ , Mac... I know how that sounds, but I heard you talking about me. About us. You said you missed me every day... You said.." he choked. „You said... that you almost died when you were stabbed, but didn't want me to take you back just because of that..."

She gasped and looked at him unbelievingly. „My mother told you about that, didn't she?"

Will shook his head. „No, I swear. You can ask her. And besides... She wouldn't know what happened in your room after you went upstairs... You were crying into your pillow and talking to the locket I gave you for Christmas." He saw Mac pale even more.  
„I'm sorry, MacKenzie, I felt so bad invading your privacy, but I didn't have a choice. I wasn't asked where I wanted to go... But I _was_ very happy that you still have the locket." He added with a weary smile.

„How do you know all that, Will?" Mac whispered bewildered.

„I told you, but I understand if you don't believe me... I can hardly believe it myself."

She shook her head. „What else do you know?"

„You were embedded with a marine named Brad." Will had thought Mac's eyes couldn't possibly get any bigger, but they did. „By the way, you should tell him to keep an eye on an army-friend of his. I don't know his name but he was – or will be - diagnosed with PTSD. Brad should get him some help or something might happen to him in about a year... Oh, and remember my Nebraska Cornhusker-Sweater? I thought I lost it, but apparently it ended up at your place?" He winked at her.

Mac was speechless. „Will... That's impossible... You've never been to my apartment!"

He sighed. „I know, that's what I keep telling myself... But how would I know all these things otherwise? You were slicing tomatoes when talking to your mother. She said you're loyal to a fault and wanted you to move on... "

„That's unbelievable..." They looked each other in the eyes without saying anything. Finally Mac seemed to have come to a decision.

„Did you speak to your sister this Christmas or the days before?" Will shook his head. „Then she couldn't have told you what's in this envelope. So there's one way to find out: Tell me what you think is in the letter and then open it."

„Are you sure?" She nodded, so he carefully took the letter from the table and turned it over in his hand several times, before holding it out to her. „You open it... It's a picture my niece Jenny drew of my family around the christmas tree... With everybody's signatures..."

She slowly took it from him and opened it with her finger. Then she removed the paper from the envelope and unfolded it, looking at it for what felt like hours to Will. Finally she took a deep breath.  
„Just to make sure... Tell me again what you think this is?"

„A picture of the family around the christmas tree. And they wanted to sign their names..."  
Mac slowly turned the paper around and he saw exactly what he had just described. His head was spinning and he could only think _'It happened. It really happened'_. Inside he had known it before, but this was the last proof he had needed.

Then he looked at Mac who was returning his gaze. Suddenly her face broke into a wide smile.

„What now?" Will asked warily.

„Remember that I told you once that we were destined to be together? I guess I was right, when even the spirits helped to bring us back together..."

„You believe me?" he asked with a hopeful voice.

Mac shrugged. „We will never be able to scientifically prove or disprove it, so as long as _we_ believe it...?

Will looked at her in amazement. „You're unbelievable, you know that? I can't even begin to express how much I love you... Come here!"

Mac laughed out loud and threw herself into his arms. „I love you, too. And I'll always be grateful to what- or whoever brought you back to me."  
Suddenly she pulled back. „You _are_ okay with this? You don't feel pressured or forced or anything?"

He smiled. „I couldn't be happier and I'm absolutely, one hundred percent eternally grateful for the push I got..." Stretching out on the couch he pulled her with him so that she came to lie on top of him. One of his hands cupped her ass while the other one slid under the shirt she had changed into.  
„You're so beautiful... Thank you for believing in me, even when I didn't deserve it..." he murmured before he lifted his head to catch her lips.

Mac willingly indulged in the kiss, framing his head with her forearms, burying her hands in his hair and moaning when his tongue started to play with hers. But after a moment she suddenly broke the kiss and straightened herself on his thighs, which had Will groan in frustration. „What?"

She frowned and bit her upper lip, clearly thinking. „What made you change your mind? Was it just seeing me so upset? And knowing that I almost died?"

„Honey..." he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. „I would be lying if I said it had nothing to do with it, but there were many things coming together. As I told you in London it comes down to me realizing that I don't want to be driven by the negative things I experienced in the past anymore." He paused for a moment. „ _And_ I saw my future, and consequently yours as well, and believe me, it wasn't pretty."

„Tell me."

Will sighed. „Are you sure you wanna know?"  
Mac nodded, so he took her hand and entangled his fingers with her, while letting his other hand roam up and down the outside of her thigh, calming the both of them.

„Okay... I was shown the future I would have had if I hadn't gotten my act together. Despite us being friends I couldn't get over the past. About a year from now I saw you with said Brad at a restaurant. I got a completely wrong impression and thought he was your boyfriend... And behaved like the biggest jackass...  
I don't know whether we ever cleared that misunderstanding up or if I never got over it, but apparently I believed I could not continue living with what my past did to me, always being afraid to get hurt again and not able to trust anybody. To trust _you_... So a year later, the day before Christmas two years from now, I... I killed myself..."

Mac gasped and tightened her grip on his hand until her knuckles went white. Tears were slowly running down her face and he wiped them away with the thumb of his free hand. Then he whispered:

„It was terrible, Mac... I saw me doing it and I saw it being announced on Newsnight by Elliot, but the worst was when Charly broke it to you... I told you that I was there, that I _wasn't_ dead, but you couldn't hear me... And then you didn't come for the funeral, so we went to your apartment... That's when I saw you wearing the Cornhusker-Sweatshirt, by the way... You were completely broken and I promised you then and there that it would never come to that."

He paused and Mac took the chance to lie down on his chest and held him tight. „Don't you ever dare do something like that, William Duncan McAvoy. Don't even think about it!"

Will ran his hand up and down her back. „Never, Mac. I promise, I would never put you through anything like that... Besides, thanks to all this I'm not a lonely old grouch anymore..." He pressed a kiss in her hair.  
„You know, up until then I never really realized how much my behaviour affected the people around me. You, Charlie, my family... By trying to not get hurt anymore _I_ hurt the people closest to me instead, the people I love."

Mac lifted her head and smiled at him at little teary-eyed. „Just try not to do it again."

„I won't, I promise you that. I will never hurt you again, at least not intentionally." He paused for a moment and then lifted himself up into a sitting position, taking her with him in the process.

„MacKenzie, I love you more than my life. Will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?"

Mac's mouth dropped open, but she quickly recovered and broke into a huge smile, tears in her eyes. „There's nothing I'd rather do."

Then she leaned in for a deep kiss, before moving her head to the side of his neck and whispering into his ear:  
„And now could you _please_ take me to bed, so that I can do my fiancé?"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I hope you enjoyed this little fluff at the end?

Thanks for your comments and **Merry Christmas! :-)**


End file.
